i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
