Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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