My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
