you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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