apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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