Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
COCAINE IS GR8
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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