YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
