I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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