this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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