Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
