Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
