Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
