see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
