Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
