I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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