Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
