this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
