i don't like sucking hair
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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