that's an acceptable place to lick
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
