Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize