Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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