You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
