dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
