bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
