sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
