Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
