So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize