I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
