4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize