yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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