haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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