you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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