just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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