I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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