I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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