i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And then my night got REAL pukey
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
