I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
