I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
