Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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