He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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