see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
