I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
