We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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