The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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