i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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