Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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