the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize