Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize
