I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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