i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
