We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
