sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
