my vag is so smooth its legendary
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
