yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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