why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
