I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Sorry about my life...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
