im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
