I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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