I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
