Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
