...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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