He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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